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Joke of the Day

"What can a yakuza do for living when he doesn't want to hurt people? tattoo master"

"I lost my mood ring. I'm not sure how I feel about this."

"Interestingly enough, you can get STDs from a toilet seat... But only if you sit down before the other guy gets off. Source: QI"

"I wonder if when my dog follows me into the bathroom it's cause I follow him outside when he goes and he thinks that's how it works. Meh."

"What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court!!!"

"[having daughter's new boyfriend (who I think is a caveman) over for dinner] so dave, how is work? *lights candle and watches his reaction*"

"How did the mathematician solve his problem with constipation? He worked it out with a pencil"

"I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong."

"There's no easy way to say this..... She sells sea shells on the sea shore, the shells that she sells are sea shells for sure."

"Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my own picture in it. Guess I really am independent"