211918

Joke of the Day

"""Don't tell anyone"" = ""Tell 10 people you trust"" right?"

"LAWYER: Your Honor, I'd like to approach the bench BENCH: I have a boyfriend"

"I just saved a bunch of money by shopping online with other people's credit card numbers."

"Why can't ovaries sail a boat? Because they are not sea-men."

"My father held his temper very well.... Every time we would get mad, he would just count to 100. Then take my head out of the water."

"I once ate a watch It was time consuming, I didn't go back for seconds."

"What did the really ugly man do for a living? He posed for Halloween masks."

"Steve : I'm going to call it the Steveharmonic orchestra. *Phil creeps up from behind with baseball bat*"

"44 of my Facebook friends changed their profile pictures. My life is fucking insane."

"Why did the bartender put on a sweater? She thought it was a little drafty."