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Joke of the Day
"Why did the bartender put on a sweater? She thought it was a little drafty."
Next Joke
"Me: I don't scare easily. Pregnant wife: All four of our daughters will be teenagers at the same time. Me: *never stops screaming*"
"Why did Hitler kill himself? He got his gas bill."
"Why was everyone afraid of the everything bagel? Because he looked pretty seedy!"
"I've never tried Frosted Flakes cereal But I've heard great things about it."
"Keep a few cat turds in your pockets, just in case a cop searches you. He will get cat poop on his hands, and you can laugh. It's all legal."
"You know when your a procrastinator when... You're"
"I make the Transformers sound when I change into sweatpants."
"ME: Leave me alone! You're not my real dad! CRAWDAD: [patiently] I am doing my best to raise you on my own. Now eat your plankton."
"""fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u"" - a goldfish :("