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Joke of the Day

"As it turns out you cannot recharge your cell plugging it in to an electric eel. I'm just glad this aquarium had a paramedic on duty."

"Accidentally dialed 911 so I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid."

"What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller? One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian."

"Hand holding: You know why men hold their wife's/ girlfriend's hand in shopping malls? Because if he doesn't , she will shop."

"Her: Stop being absurd. Just be yourself. Me: Make up your mind."

"I wasn't trying to put you on a pedestal. I was trying to bend you over it."

"Why did the gynecologist get taken in for questioning? He smelled a little fishy. Edit: a word."

"If you accept small grammatical errors, decent society collapses and then everyone starts marrying dogs. That's what happened to Australia."

"Why did the hipster fail chemistry? He thought the bond was ironic."

"WANTED: Good man, about 90 years old, half blind, deaf in one ear, bad leg, no teeth, good with a gun.. To watch my wife while I'm out hunting."