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Joke of the Day

"I went to Seoul the other day to sell fluorescent markers. It was the highlight of my Korea."

"I like to ask girls if they wanna take a shower with me then hand them a ski mask and drive to Lowe's."

"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water."

"INTERVIEWER: What's your greatest strength? M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN: [Removes mask to reveal that he was actually the interviewer the whole time]"

"Why? How I answer every text when my friends with little kids ask me what I'm doing tonight Related - I never babysit"

"I wonder... ...how many people will read this in the bathroom."

"Why didn't the feminist shave her arm pits? Just kidding, just wanted to rile a few people up. But if you want to have a punchline contest, feel free."

"I'm fluent in Morose Code. -Debbie Downers"

"Me: I'm happy right now. Life: lol, one sec bro"

"My friend Tommy drowned the other day... At his funeral, we placed a lifejacket on his coffin. It's what he would have wanted..."