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Joke of the Day

"If Adrian Peterson is banned from the NFL, he can always try baseball. Who doesn't need a switch hitter?!"

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"It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you're listening."
"Things presently more popular than Congress: - shingles - those annoying stickers they put on apples - tofurkey - bone fractures - road ham"
"Girls have their phone nonstop. So if they don't text you back within 30 minutes, she ain't feeling you bro."
"""You know your addiction is bad when you lie and say you're at the gym when really you're out shopping"" is the title of my autobiography."
"It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open."
"Accidentally tweeted the typo ""iLettuce"" a few minutes ago and now Apple fans are lining up in front of my house."
"Anyone need a break up line? ""It's not you... but maybe it's Maybelline. Clowns wear less makeup than you"""
"Pravanth the Indian wife-beater punches his wife every night at 7 PM On the dot."
"Love many, trust few, and learn to paddle your own canoe."
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