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Joke of the Day

"Girls have their phone nonstop. So if they don't text you back within 30 minutes, she ain't feeling you bro."

"Does ""fear of commitment"" count towards a handicap parking space??"

"Use Angie's List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants."

"ME: I hate him with 1/16th of the fibers of my being GUY: Not every fiber? ME: I hate alot of people. I'm not wasting all my fibers on 1 guy"

"i was doing yard work today when i stopped to tell a pile of leaves how cold fusion works. needless to say they were blown away."

"I've got an L-shaped bed. Lowercase."

"Why can't Athiests solve exponential problems? Because they don't believe in higher powers."

"Why did ISIS throw the gay prostitute off the roof? He didn't bring in enough Jihadi Johns"

"More valuable than Superman The clear history button in your browser has saved more lives than Superman."

"A thief tripped and fell into wet cement... He became a hardened criminal."