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Joke of the Day

"Hate when the cop is like, ""Sir, have you been petting kittens?"" and I say, ""I petted a few..."" as I open the car door and kittens spill out"

"Which is better: blind or deaf? Deaf. Because the blind community can't see each other often."

"I have the best prison name Mitochondria"

"Q: How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: Arians aren't afraid of the dark."

"When I finally had sex in a hall of mirrors I was fucking beside myself."

"NAZI: I'm a Nazi MEDIA: How controversial NAZI: I said I was a Nazi MEDIA: Your clothes are beautifully tailored"

"I got a job as a triangle player in a Reggae band... I just stand at the back and ting"

"The person who is your first and last thought of the day is either the one who has your heart, or who's murder you're secretly plotting."

"Heard the local weatherman say, ""high in the thirties"" & now I know the title to my autobiography."

"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off"