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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a couple of asses standing next to eachother in an asparagus field? An ass-pair, I guess?"

"What do you call a zoo that only has dogs? A shit zoo."

"She danced her way into his heart. -She was doing the robot tho, so she looked like an idiot."

"My job blocked the Favstar website and I'm not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I'm totally taking hostages."

"I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Loves Abortions Brenda' or 'Eats Her Feelings Julie'."

"Did you hear Miley Cyrus does webcam gigs from her lounge now? You might say she's twerking from home."

"How do you tell... How do you tell when your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes!"

"I like microwaves that spin the food around because I'm all, oh yeah, hot pocket, looking good, girl, from the front AND the back uh huh."

"TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM costume party Oops wrong sub"

"Neighbor may have just called the cops after hearing me yell at the cat for stealing my cheese bread"