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Joke of the Day

"I wish my kid had a ""BAD MOTHERFUCKER"" tattoo so that when asked which one was mine I could say ""THE ONE THAT SAYS BAD MOTHERFUCKER ON IT!"""

"You know what sucks? Babies"

"What do you call someone who hates people without toes and can't have ice cream? Lack-toes intolerant"

"You can tell if a girl likes you by her ankles IF THEY'RE THREE INCHES DEEP IN THE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES THEN SHE LIKES YOU"

"Dark humor is like food Not everyone gets it."

"""I hate it when you go off on tangents!"" ""I hate it when YOU go off on cosines!"" Irreconcilable trigonometry can kill a relationship."

"Ellen pao and reddit admins walk into a bar... Everyone was happy to see them and had a great time once they were there... Ill also accept ...and then the bar burned down..."

"This 5p bag tax is great I can get a 10bag for 50p"

"what do u call a turtle running on a 9V rechargeable battery? Dura-Shell"

"""COME ON! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE HOURS AGO! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T SHOWERED?"" Noah yelled, waiting for the sloths to get on the Ark"