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Joke of the Day

"Give a man a fish and he will think, ""What a creepy gift."" Teach a man to fish and he will think, ""My god, I have never known such boredom"""

"The doctor told me I had Parkinson's.... I decided to just shake it off."

"Why is there so much segregation today? All Fridays Matter"

"I never get the silent treatment when I really want it."

"I'm just saying, if I were a bomb maker, I would make all the wires the same color."

"What's the best part about buying dishes that are made in Mexico? They wash themselves."

"Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above"

"How To Get Rich: 1. Place a Swear Jar next to Samuel L Jackson. 2. Empty it the next day. 3. Become a millionaire."

"What do you call a monster with two wooden heads? Edward Woodward."

"They say snapple is made from the best stuff on earth... But that's bullshit; I looked at the ingredients, I didn't see pussy or beer anywhere."