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Joke of the Day

"*walks past German Shepherd and nods* Officer..."

"If I ever find a dead body while I'm hiking I'm gonna be like finally"

"What's the difference between a baby and a pound of coke? Eric Clapton would never drop a pound of coke."

"I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. I've been single for a while and I have to say, it's going very well. Like...it's working out.I think I'm the one."

"I'm fed up of all this racism. I think we should all come together & unite as one...blacks, whites, Asians...and gang up on the Arabs."

"What's got two wings, a tail and twenty five pricks? England's return flight."

"Quitting smoking is a lot like getting out of a relationship. It's a sad and slow realization of all of the things that you used to like to do it after."

"Why are asymptomatic cardiology patients so trustworthy? Because they can't tell afib"

"a study shows that 40% of Japanese people have cataracts. the other 60% have Mitsubishi's edit: Mitsubishi to be said in best racist Japanese accent"

"What's the difference between Jesus in real life and Jesus in a picture frame? It only takes one nail to hang up Jesus in a picture frame."