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Joke of the Day

"Quitting smoking is a lot like getting out of a relationship. It's a sad and slow realization of all of the things that you used to like to do it after."

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"How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags."
"A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked ""I should have suspected he wasn't a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite."""
"Q: What did the nurse say to John Cena? A: ICU."
"My books fell on my head last night.... I only have my shelf to blame. :("
"People who have 'taken' in their bio, sit tight, Liam Neeson will around to collect you shortly"
"What does Beyonce bake her cookies on? Aluminatti foil"
"What do you call a guy who's into beastiality? Someone who really gets his head into the game."
"What do you call a black hipster? An idiot."
"Jackie Chan is implicated in the Panama Leaks. This must be some sort of kung-fulery."