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Joke of the Day

"So i met a hooker today who said she would do anything for five bucks Guess who got their homework done!"

"""And the award for Most British Name goes to..."" *Benedict Cumberbatch takes a sip of gin with his eyes closed* ""Helena Bonha-"" *spews*"

"What did the broken bridge say? I have truss issues."

"Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months."

"Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs through your jeans."

"Why do the /r/jokes moderators like chess? It's the only chance they have to mate."

"Telemarketer: Good afternoon, Sir. Me: Do you walk with a limp? Telemarketer: No. Me: Want to? Telemarketer: Thank you for your time."

"911: What's your emergency? Me: Are you guys hiring? 911: This is an emergency line. Me: No shit. Why do you think I'm calling?"

"Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out..you have issues bro"

"Just a reminder: please do not post any jokes regarding the German highway system. You will be Autobahn'd."