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Joke of the Day

"My wife said I'm not manly I told her she hurt my feelings and I'm going to go cry in a corner."

"I'm not really sure I'm understanding this financial crisis in Greece... It's all Greek to me."

"And the Lord said unto John... ""Come forth and you will receive eternal life."" But John came fifth, and he won a toaster."

"What's the difference between a bag of chips and a duck with the flu? One's a quick snack and the other's a sick quack!"

"I'm not a racist.... I'm not a racist, Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people. Also Whats black and doesn't work? Half of london"

"You can get a tiny tablecloth for a DOLLHOUSE from Pottery Barn for $18.99, or I could just come over and punch you in the face for free?"

"Why did the Dick go to the 7-11? To get a Slurpee!"

"I was waiting for my wife to try on clothes & spoke to this woman for almost 20 minutes until I looked up & noticed her head was missing."

"Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl.... not on my watch."

"[terrorist meeting] ""Let's hit Americans where they gather to shop"" But how will we find these Targets? ""Guys you're not gonna believe this"""