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Joke of the Day

"If you still have a landline, I assume you also own a butter churn and ride a dinosaur to work."

"Q: What did one pig say to the other? A: Let's be pen pals!"

"If you are charged with possession of marijuana Is it called joint custody?"

"My wife opened one of her birthday presents early, saying that it was ""practically screaming out at her"" That's the last time I buy her an orphan"

"What did the hooker say to the blind man? ""Come here"""

"How many introverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Why does it have to be a group activity?!"

"What do you call a clingy, moody scientist? A dependent variable"

"I've lost most of my hearing, but it's okay because it turns out the only thing people say to me is ""nothing, never mind."""

"Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart? Because noble gases are nonreactive."

"I really can't stand listening to dubstep... I guess it just wubs me the wrong way."