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Joke of the Day

"Customer: Why don't you eat here waiter? Waiter: Serving it is bad enough I don't want to compound the felony."

"Keep your friends close and your enemies in urns."

"Whenever my parents talk about the good old days' they always seem to stop at 1979. Which is pretty cool, because that's also the year I was born... wait... what?"

"A husband says to his wife, ""What would you do if I won Lotto?"" She says, ""I'd take half, then leave you."" ""Excellent,"" he replies, ""I won $12, here's $6 - now fuck off!"""

"Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre"

"If you bring back your paper bags at Whole Foods, they'll give a refund of 5 cents. After a year you'll have enough money to buy an orange."

"What is the difference between jelly and jam? I'm not going to jelly my dick down your throat!"

"Who's Bill Cosby's favourite Disney princess? Sleeping Beauty"

"Did you hear Bruce Jenner was in a car accident? He was unhurt but his tranny was damaged."

"""Hello flight 56 if you hear me rock your wings.."" ""OK TOWER IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!"""