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Joke of the Day

"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy"

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"Quentin Tarantino always looks like he walked through a car wash."
"I'm running away to join the internet."
"Me: What do you want for breakfast? Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast?"
"How to make microwave popcorn: 2 minutes 27 seconds-half bag popped. 2 minutes 29 seconds-MICROWAVE ON FIRE."
"What's the most important part about making a Pokemon joke? The Exeggution!"
"Knock Knock Who's there ! B-2 ! B-2 who ? B-2 school on time !"
"Holmes said to his brother, ""Mycroft, all this heroin that Watson administers is making me terribly constipated."" And Mycroft responded, ""No shit, Sherlock?"""
"If I pour superglue into a non-stick frying pan, somebody is going to be wrong, right?"
"Yo mamas ass is so fat She dont wear DENIM she wears DAMN!"