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Joke of the Day

"Everyone in horror movies: *loud scream* It was probably just the wind *a ghost flies across room* Just the wind *dog gets cut in half* Wind"

"Son , I am not able to go to school today Son: I am not able to go to school today. Father: what happened? Son: I am not feeling well Father: Where you are not feeling well? Son: In school!"

"How does it feel to crash a rental car? It Hertz."

"There's a fine line between being spotted in line at Old Navy and getting shot in the face."

"So, I was talking to my friend who runs a scrap yard. I asked how business was... ... He replied: ""pretty good, I've seen a bit of a pickup recently."""

"The GOP candidates are competing to win over Scott Walker supporters after he pulled out of the race... But all three of them remain undecided still."

"First thing you do in the school of rock? Rock enroll."

"My wife came out to me after for horrible years of marriage and revealed she was a lesbian and that she wished she'd married another woman Which finally gave us something in common."

"What did Sonic the Hedgehog say 24 hours before he got a blood test? Gotta go fast."

"ProTip: Make sure heated seats are off before putting your purse on them...lipstick melts."