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Joke of the Day

"So, I was talking to my friend who runs a scrap yard. I asked how business was... ... He replied: ""pretty good, I've seen a bit of a pickup recently."""

"I'm not sure what happened to the word ""cocksucker"". People use it now to describe a bad man when it actually describes a good woman."

"Does it mean you have a small dick if you never got a toothy blow job? No it doesn't I'm asking for a friend because I've never got one"

"What kind of pictures does a mermaid take on her phone? Shelfies."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAH donald trump and hillary are stranded on a boat, and it sinks, so who survives? AMERICA"

"I want to open a pizza shop called ""Cheesus Crust!"" Our slogan will be: ""Heavenly ingredients, served hot as Hell."" -or- ""Crust has risen."""

"You know what is ironic about Whitney Houston dying in her bath tub? She was taking swimming lessons at that time"

"A man was arrested today for masturbating on a subway. Apparently, it's a crime to be metrosexual."

"Dad: relax kids, no monkey business in a nice restaurant [table over] Monkey 1: *slams briefcase shut, stands up* Monkey 2: not worth it man"

"A man and a boy are walking through a dark forest... The boy turns to the man and says ""Its dark, I'm scared."" The man replies with ""You're scared? I have to walk back through here on my own!"""