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Joke of the Day

"'Don't say foreskin instead of four score don't say foreskin instead of four score you GOT this Abe' *AHEM* ""FORESKIN FUCK LEMME START OVER"""

"I'm not staying up all night to get lucky. If it doesn't happen by midnight, I'm going to bed."

"Michael Sam is going to get cut from the Rams Apparently he is always behind the competition"

"What would you order... From a menstruating ice cream scooper in Ireland? Sunday, Bloody Sunday."

"Massacre between rival musicians at the Symphony Orchestra today, . Authorities have condemned this act of Violins"

"Witnessed the birth of my cousin's first child... She said we should've used a condom"

"Screaming, ""Hitler and the Nazi Party are in a disarray!"" when nudged at parties tells everyone that you fall asleep to the History Channel."

"How do you stop a dog who's humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick."

"If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it's an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island."

"I've always been a dog person, but I have never had a close friend that was a cat person. I just find that cats taste too gamy."