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Joke of the Day

"If by ""unload the dishwasher"" you mean take out clean utensils as I need them, then yes I unloaded the dishwasher."

"Everyone tells me I'm average... That's just mean."

"Have you seen the midget outside Walmart, that hides from gay people? Of course you haven't."

"Why legalize weed? Because it's 2015... http://i.imgur.com/PmlEqZ9.jpg"

"What do you call a quadriplegic time traveler? Marty Mcsit"

"The biggest thing I've learned at art school is the art of disappointing my father."

"What's the difference between pussy and parsley? Who the fuck eats parsley?"

"My 3yr old pooped her big girl panties at church today and I forgot the wipes, in case you were feeling bad about being single today."

"I know what it's like to be pulled back from death and appreciate life more since I dropped my cell phone in the toilet and it still works"

"Whenever a guy boasts he has a party in his pants, I always ask him to prove it. If he's not packin nachos, beer and M&Ms, I'm going home."