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Joke of the Day

"I know what it's like to be pulled back from death and appreciate life more since I dropped my cell phone in the toilet and it still works"

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"What kind of books do fruit read? Pulp Fiction"
"How did the cow feel when it couldn't produce milk? Udderly useless."
"(Offensive) Old enough to count... Old enough to mount ;)"
"Did you guys hear about the funk singer who stubbed his toe? He said ""ow""."
"There's something really addictive about Brownies... ... I think it's their exotic accent."
"Last year for Christmas I got a sweater ,for this year I would prefer a squirter or a moaner ."
"""The first guy to suggest peeing on a jellyfish sting was called a pervert but it worked"" I said to my wife as she complained of a toothache"
"I bought my girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue."
"How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? A: He could feel his presence!"