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Joke of the Day

"Good news: I finally had sex with my wife last night! Bad news: I spent the entire 60secs wondering how I was going to tweet it to you guy"

"A neutron walks into a store Neutron : ""How much is this pack of gum"" Store Clerk : ""For you it's no charge"""

"My favorite Kardashian is the one who dies first."

"why do people insist D&D players are squares? I mean, they party all the time!"

"I don't blame sharks. If someone walked into my house and started splashing around in my bath, I'd bite their leg off too."

"Tim Burton could've saved a lot of money on 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' and just shown a 2016 Facebook Year in Review instead."

"My son played soccer in the mud all day. He was a little Messi."

"Two blondes went to a drive-in movie. What movie did they go to see? ""Closed for Winter""."

"""My dream is to create something that both dogs and fraternity brothers will enjoy chasing with equal vigor."" -- inventor of the frisbee"

"My wife told me, ""I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me."" I said, ""You have perfect eyesight."""