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Joke of the Day

"An original joke about Mathew and Not-Mathew. Me:Mathew and Not-Mathew were on a boat. Mathew fell off the boat. Who was left? You:Not-Mathew. Me:Yeah Mathew was the one who fell out. Idiot."

"What's the difference between a dog and Windows 10? A dog knows what is 'no'."

"Did you hear about the Middle Eastern beauty contest? Me neither."

"What do you call a pretty lady on the arm of a drummer? A Tattoo."

"My grandmother always wanted to be in a gated community So that's why I chose to have her buried at the cemetery when she died."

"What's the difference between a Maine girl and a moose? 15 lbs and a flannel shirt."

"What's the difference between a black man and a bench? A bench can support a family"

"When I walk through the produce aisle I feel that the fruit is conspiring against me, and that gets on my nerves.... I don't know, maybe I'm just pear-annoyed."

"What's the difference between acne and a Child Molester? Acne waits till you are 13 to come all over your face."

"When life gives you Marmaduke... make marmalade."