210112

Joke of the Day

"Commas are the coolest punctuation, because they're like ""Yeah, you haven't got time to stop, but you can chill for a little bit."""

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil. It was a number 2 pencil."

"Apparently I'm ""an insensitive arsehole"" for referring to my girlfriend's allergic reaction to a box of chocolates (and subsequent fit) as a ""truffle shuffle""..."

"A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste."

"Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young."

"They need to make realistic commercials for beds & mattresses. They always show a couple, never a guy with a dog asleep on his chest."

"What type of music do people listen to in the grasslands? [Shrub-steppe.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shrub-steppe)"

"I just sent out my daily 6am text to a random number saying ""I hit Zack with my truck. I'm going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up."""

"On a scale of 10 to 10, how good am I at giving you a choice?"

"What did the peadophile say when he was released from prison? I feel like a kid again"