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Joke of the Day

"I need a guy who's cute charming smells good smells really good like cinnamon and sugar and flaky crust and actually I just need some pie"

"Teacher: Bob, how do you make a nail plural? Dumb Bob: You add S. T: *amazed* Yes! Come up to the board and show us. DB: [writes] SNAIL"

"I had so much sex... and I was so sexually drained, you could say I was fucking retarded."

"""Guys. You guys. GUYS. Guys. YOU GUYS. Guys. Guys. GUYS."" - guy who discovered ice cream"

"I lost my job. I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me Why? What did he say? ""you're fired"""

"An Irishman walks out of a bar."

"I met a girl with 12 nipples today... Sounds fun. Dozen Tit?"

"So a guy goes to the doctor to get a physical and the doctor says, ""Holy shit you have five penises, how do your pants fit?"" The guy replies, ""Like a glove."""

"Q: How are Boris Becker and President Clinton alike? A: Both aren't as successful when they're not on grass."

"FRIEND: Australia has 9 of the 10 world's deadliest snakes ME: OMG ONE ESCAPED?!"