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Joke of the Day

"The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. The police charged one and let the other one off."

"*me holding a human baby* i think this cat is broken"

"Why doesn't Popeye's serve spinach?"

"I thought I felt a spider crawling on my neck. Now I have to pretend I was breakdancing at this bank."

"Once there was a man who followed the Mongol hordes so that he could catch and sell the injured after battles. He was a mangled Mongle monger"

"Me: So, what are your thoughts? Therapist: Well, I think you may have some boundary issues. Me: [In his lap] Are you saying I'm fat?!"

"What was the most reliable and helpful vehicle in the 1800s? The ""I've got this Covered"" Waggon"

"I was going to use Bing for all my searches ...but I couldn't find myself doing it"

"Unrestrained children in the back seat can cause accidents. Unrestrained accidents in the back seat can cause children."

"*wakes up before alarm goes off* please be 5am please be 5am *checks time* 2:34pm, februrary 25, 2054. NOOOOOOOOO"