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Joke of the Day

"If people were as passionate about world affairs as they are about their opinions on tattoos, we'd be on WWVIII by now."

"I adopted a cat but it turned out that my daughter is allergic to cats So, I am giving her away for adoption. She's 7 and she's in second grade"

"This guy clicking his pen in Starbucks just got stabbed when I stabbed him."

"TIFU by posting a joke online... You had already reddit."

"A man was afraid to go into Kohl's at the local strip mall because according to the sign: Kohls Staples Dicks"

"Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: ""The fat one won't fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"""

"My wife asked me, ""Where's your wedding ring?"" I said, ""I had to wash my hands so I took it off and placed it on my lover--I mean your mother's kitchen counter."""

"I speak both universal languages: 1. English 2. Louder & slower English"

"Liam Neeson is going to find that hour we lost."

"I'd rather watch a four hour montage of old Russian men eating soup than have a toddler throw a tantrum in a Target."