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Joke of the Day

"A man has been arrested after a bungled attempted at the theft of a combine harvester, during which he fell into the working parts of the machine. Police expect him to be bailed tomorrow."

"I think the girl I just met may be a goddess... because even though she's never talked to me, later tonight billions will be massacred by my hand in her name."

"I was so hungry when I had breakfast today. It was the first time I had ate all year!"

"I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said ""No!"". For one thing, we don't have any kids..."

"Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, ""I'll have some H2O."" The second one says, ""I'll have some H2O too."" The second one dies."

"Mohammed Ali & Michael J Fox How come every video of Ali and Michael J Fox I see them in they're shaking hands? To soon....?"

"That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you're a guy."

"When people show me pictures of their kids, I show them pictures of my exes If I have to look at their mistakes, they have to look at mine."

"I just read the ""100 things to do before you die"" list.... I'm kinda surprised that ""call 911"" didn't make the cut."

"What do you call a group of pirates having sex? An *Arrr*-gy..."