122373

Joke of the Day

"Yesterday my wife caught me checking out our hot new neighbor and all she had to say to me was, ""It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home""."

"The store sample lady just tried feeding me gluten-free donuts. I may need bail money. I don't remember much. But there's blood everywhere."

"The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother."

"If experience has taught me anything, I've forgotten what it was."

"You guys hear about the guy who was addicted to rohypnol (Roofies)? He'd been on 'em longer than he could remember..."

"How does a blind skydiver know when to pull the parachute? When the leash goes slack."

"I told my son that I found his hamster. He was ecstatic. Until I said it was in the vacuum cleaner."

"What did the man quietly say to himself after farting in a crowded elevator? Thanks a lot, asshole."

"WHAT ARE THOSE???? /u/doubledickdude - They're my cocks."

"Burger King needs a new slogan. Something like ""we clean our bathrooms now."""