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Joke of the Day

"Given how, when I try to eat a banana, I end up holding the peel while the actual fruit falls to the floor, I'm ok never handling a firearm."

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if you crushed his spirit by telling him how worthless he was and deprived him of a good education?"

"The new stars wars episode has been named Episode seven: return of the lens flair"

"You get what you get and you don't get upset... You have cancer."

"If swallowing battery acid mixed with Dr. Pepper doesn't turn you into a wizard, then call me an ambulance."

"Two mods are standing in a field [deleted]"

"""Hit me,"" said the masochist. ""No,"" said the sadist"

"What is a pirates favorite letter? P. Because without it, he'd be irate."

"A notorious card sharp was found dead last night. He'd been clubbed on the heart with a diamond spade."

"So, I measured my penis with one of those digital rulers... ...Anyone know how to convert LOL into inches?"