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Joke of the Day

"I think I saw Michael J Fox in a gardening centre earlier... It was hard to tell, he had his back to the Fuchsias."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one. They hold the bulb and expect the world to revolve around them. Edit: missed the y in they Thanks u/HapaHeather"

"What does a psychologist wear to bed? A Freudian slip."

"Why did the phone get away with its crime? Because it had good connections!"

"Have you ever woken up because of a boner? Alarm cock."

"WIFE: Having your phone in your jeans pocket will make you infertile & stop us having more kids ME: *shoves 10 phones & microwave in pocket*"

"Let's hollow out a meatball & just live in there forever like James & the giant peach but instead of a peach it's a meatball do you get it?"

"If you watch ""The Empire Strikes Back"" backwards it's about a kid so traumatized to learn his dad's identity he starts hitting on his sister"

"A Roman walks into a bar... and holds up two fingers and says ""I'll have five beers please."""

"Why can't anybody satisfy a woman completely? Question: ""why can't anybody satisfy a woman completely?"" answer: ""because nobody has a dick made of gold, decorated with diamonds and ejaculates cash"""