227813

Joke of the Day

"Let's hollow out a meatball & just live in there forever like James & the giant peach but instead of a peach it's a meatball do you get it?"

"Woman sends emotional text that's 5 paragraphs long. Man responds with ""k."" Woman spontaneously combusts."

"Unscramble these words! 1.) PNEIS 2.) HTIELR 3.) NGGERI 4.) BUTTSXE Did you get SPINE, LITHER, GINGER and SUBTEXT?"

"What does John Cena wash his hair with? Champ who?"

"[first date] *pointing indiscriminately* ""uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam"" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees"

"Guys at work are always like ""why are your shorts so short?"" Then I spin kick an inch away from their face with such precision and they know"

"If someone has a foot fetish... ...and they cheat, does that mean they got off on the wrong foot?"

"Been going to the gym now for 6 weeks and have noticed some huge improvements. For one, they've fixed the water cooler."

"Whenever I see a newspaper on a driveway, left out in the rain, I figure that house just forgot how to read."

"The coffee in my cup is rippling. With all my experiences in the past this means that a dinosaur is coming my way.....Shit."