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Joke of the Day

"To the 20 year old girl who wrote an essay claiming she is too pretty to be allowed to lead a normal life:Same."

"What do you call 2 Asians playing basketball? Won on Won. 2 Mexicans playing basketball: Juan on Juan. 2 Indians playing basketball: Khan on Khan."

"A bear and a rabbit are pooping next to each other. The bears asks: ""Does your fur stick to the poop?"" The rabbit replied with: ""Of course not."" Then the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit."

"FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: ""Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"""

"I'll never forget the first time Mum made some rock cakes. She passed then round and told me to take my pick. I didn't need a pick, I needed a hammer and chisel."

"[Gets on one knee] Margaret- [Pulls out ring] Will you- will you please hide this, Gollum won't stop following me."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!"

"Christmas is great! You can sit on the lap of a total stranger and no one is offended."

"My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $100 on me and $500 on her."

"got a meat lover's pizza with the Works: freckles, man curds, leeches, clam clits, jowls, blood clots, charred nuggets, gristle, Megan"