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Joke of the Day

"My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $100 on me and $500 on her."

"I do this amazing trick where I can erase every restaurant from your memory. Ready? Ok, here goes... ""Where should we go for dinner?"""

"What is Harry Potters favorite way to get down a hill? Walking (punchline in comments)"

"If the employees in your human resources department were all very into Aleutian sea birds. . . Around Christmas time, everyone would be sending HR Puffin Stuff."

"Some people say I have no idea how to run a court room. I'll let you be the judge."

"When that guy has sex with his wife on a motorcycle he's ""cool."" When I do it I'm ""absconding with the cadaver."""

"My favorite part of Thanksgiving day is when I stuff the Bird. My wife enjoys it too but wishes I'd find another nickname for her lady parts."

"America's flag should be a picture of a deep-fried smartphone with bullet holes in it"

"My gf was complaining about how difficult anal was... I told her ""It's only as hard as you make it"""

"What do you call an Asian woman on the moon? an Astronaut"