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Joke of the Day

"Pro tip: Next time you're at a bar, go up to a woman & whisper ""Hey, wanna get outta here?"" If she says yes, you can sit where she was."

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"[Job interview] ""Under ""skills"" you have odd compliments."" ""You look like you'd have soft bones. ""Thank you?"""
"John Boehner is lucky Pope Francis didn't splash any holy water on him. He wouldn't have been crying. He would have burst into flames."
"Where do dogs go when they lose their tail? The retail store."
"What do bacteria eat for breakfast? prokaryoats"
"Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver."
"Yet another Chuck Norris joke. Chuck Norris caught all the Pokemon using a payphone."
"What kind of pizza would the twin towers order? Two plains."
"How many ska kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four: One to drop it, Three to pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up."
"""I've been trying to recapture my lost youth... I really need to get that cellar door fixed."" ^^^^^^. ^^^^^^^. Gary Delaney."