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Joke of the Day

"""I've been trying to recapture my lost youth... I really need to get that cellar door fixed."" ^^^^^^. ^^^^^^^. Gary Delaney."

"Why did the doughnut maker retire? He was fed up with the hole business."

"People who talk to themselves are more intelligent then those who don't, or at least that's what I like to tell myself."

"Father Christmas lost his umbrella but he didn't get wet! Why not? Because it wasn't raining!"

"If you're one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you."

"Everyone thinks its cute when a kid wants to be a pirate But when a Somalian kid says he wants to be a pirate it's a different story"

"Two peanuts walk into a bar And one was assaulted"

"What the hell is this REstraining Order?!? I never even got a Straining Order? I'm gonna go over to her house and sort this out."

"The poor sentence got hurt while riding his bike... He got his dangling modifier stuck in the chain."

"I'm going as president Obama for Halloween this year. I'll tell you you're getting different candy, but it will be the same candy from last year."