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Joke of the Day

"Best Depiction of a Dystopian Past or Future Full of Really Attractive People #NewOscarCategories"

"I was Hungary... ...So I Russia down the stairs, made a Turkey sandwich and had a chocolate Malta for dessert."

"Why is yellow afraid of red? Because red blue green."

"Why do they have fences around a cemetery? Because people are dying to get in."

"I've never fucked a poofter, but I've fucked a bloke who has."

"What do witches use pencil sharpeners for? To keep their hats pointed."

"I climbed on a tree with a suitcase. My aim is to become a branch manager."

"What did one bean say to the other? How you bean doing."

"What do you call a disappointing white wine? Prosecc-oh..."

"My wife said if she heard me chewing one more time, she was going to murder me. So I stole the batteries from her hearing aids."