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Joke of the Day

"How do you know that there's a monster in your bath? You can't get the shower curtain closed."

"Rape. Short word, long sentence!"

"So a kid starts cussing in Social Studies class Another kid hears it and tells the teacher. Teacher confronts kid, saying ""Tom says you were swearing.."" Kid replies, ""That's fucking bullshit!"""

"I tried to explain Pokemon to my 4-year-old. After hearing myself say it out loud, I'm pretty sure I ruined both of our childhoods."

"Please pray for me as I make the difficult transition from pumpkin spice to eggnog lattes."

"4 words. 5 syllables. Easy to say. Hard to prove. ''I am a zebra.''"

"If a red bird has red babies, and a blue bird has blue babies, what bird has no babies? A swallow"

"Just the other day, I asked my mom at what age do children start really listening to their parents but I don't remember what her answer was."

"What do a mole and an eagle have in common? They both live underground. Except for the eagle."

"I just did my budget for August. If I don't buy food ... I won't need toilet paper. I think I'm on to something here."