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Joke of the Day

"[on a date] ""I usually don't do this but.."" *runs out on date so she has to pay*"

"Going to prison I was just sentenced to twenty years for my part in a timeshare fraud. I have to go to prison for two weeks every year for 10 years."

"Why couldn't the snowman spend his money? Cause his assets were frozen."

"Chicks love guys with tattoos cuz it means they're willing to commit to something stupid for the rest of their lives..."

"Good, good, good, if it isn't that guy who isn't very well at grammar"

"*sits down in a classy as hell bar* ""barkeep! a bottle of your finest champagne please. I earn..."" *lowers shades* ""$200 every 4 months"""

"What does a Polish guy do on the ice? He breaks in."

"My toddler fell, smashed his face into the cement, then played it off like he was giving the ground a kiss. No DNA test necessary."

"What do you call a cheese that's not yours? My cheese!"

"Where are most fish found ? Between the head and the tail !"