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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between windows 10 and a jehovah witness None, they just keep asking you to let them in"

"Caller: My goodness Operator! Your nose is so stuffed up I can't understand you. You should really take something for that cold. Operator: Good idea. I'll take the rest of the day off!"

"[Opens a beer at the park] ""Dude. There's kids here."" Oh shit how rude of me. [turns] IF YOU KIDS WANT SOME BEERS THEYRE IN THE COOLER"

"Boss says, ""its the 3rd time you've been late this week! Do you know what that means??"" Me, ""err... It's Wednesday?"""

"They really need to add a ""download this song illegally"" button on Pandora."

"Why did vegan cross the road? Because chicken came to his side."

"Roses are red, Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's To get to the other side"

"Last night I wrote myself a letter. But I forgot to sign it and now I don't know who it's from."

"What does a drug addict like to do in their free time? Netflix and pills :D"

"""You're still a winner,"" Pinocchio whispered into his third drink. He wept as his nose grew to touch the glass."