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Joke of the Day

"*whispers seductively in your ear* ""...look at that last slice of pizza and you're dead to me..."""

"I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit. And all I did was sign up."

"I've never really got the point of herbs and seasoning... I just think it's a waste of thyme."

"Did you hear about the mexican train killer? He had locomotives."

"[job interview] ""So do you have any questions you'd like to ask me?"" Can I wait a week until I take the drug test?"

"Kevin Hart is performing in Baltimore tonight..... Should be a riot :p"

"Her: I'm sorry my baby keeps crying. He's got teeth coming in. Me: Well, don't worry, I'll sign for them..."

"A man walks up to a barman asking for a double entendre... He gave him one."

"A mormon checks into a hotel. On seeing there are video channels available in his room, he says ""I trust the porn is disabled."" The receptionist replies, ""No, it's just regular porn, you sicko!"""

"Why did Lady Gaga wear seashells to the VMAs? Because B-shells were too small."