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Joke of the Day

"Sorry, I can't delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one"

"The clock was still hungry... so it went back four seconds."

"Q: Why did the kid punch the bed? A: His mother told him to hit the hay."

"How much does Nicki Minaj sell security devices for? Pound an alarm"

"One windmill asked another what kind of music it likes The other windmill responded ""I'm a big metal fan"""

"Me: Mistakes my own hair for a spider at least once a day & screams Also me: [watching Criminal Minds] I could totally be a cop"

"I wish young people would stop idealising future dystopias and start enjoying the one they're in."

"I'd tell you a joke about UDP.... But, I wouldn't know if you'd get it."

"How do you reuse toilet paper? You stick it in some water and boil the shit out of it."

"What's the difference between a chick pea and potato? I've never paid $50 to have a potato on my face."