208604

Joke of the Day

"What is Jesus's go-to pickup line? Would you like me to show you what it feels like to get nailed?"

"I have swagger. At least, that's what my deodorant says."

"The American Presidential Campaign is a lot like the new Mac. **There is no escape.**"

"What do you call it when a brunette dyes her hair blonde? Brainwashing."

"How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb? Why does it have to be a group activity?"

"Have you seen that new documentary about constipation? Oh that's right, it hasn't come out yet.."

"Me: I grew a beard once & It actually looked just like yours. Him: Why'd you shave it off? Me: I just told you..."

"I was about to be given a yellow card for punching another player in the face, but then the ref noticed I was an amputee. No arm, no foul."

"The speed in which a woman says ""nothing"" when asked ""what's wrong"" is inversely proportional to the severity of the shitstorm that's coming."

"My next door Neighbour's Daughter said that when she gets older she wants to marry me. I was touched. A few minutes later, so was she."