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Joke of the Day

"Why did the music student have a piano in the bathroom? Because he was practicing Handel's Water Music."

"Two muffins are sitting in an oven... One turns to the other and says ""It's getting pretty hot in here isn't it? "" The other muffin says ""Holy shit! A talking muffin! """

"hmmm public speakimg clases..? well do u hav private speakimg clases? bc i hav a secret *leans in close to u* I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO WHISPER"

"I've wasted the best years of my life waiting for people to join conference calls."

"Me: ""Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."" Friends: ""No thanks."" Enemies: ""Also no thanks."""

"Two fish were in a tank, and one said to the other: ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"I was paper-thin as a kid. So I got ripped."

"True irony Ay im Rony!"

"*walks into bank* THIS IS A ROBBERY *people drop to the floor* JUST KIDDING, BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE LISTENING *lowers guns* A TOMATO IS A FRUIT"

"There is nothing funnier than yelling ""SHE'S STEALING MY BABY!"" at a mom having a hard time with her kid in public."