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Joke of the Day

"""nice dog or cat or baby or whatever"" i offer politely, my eyes scanning the room for the taco dip. ""was it expensive?"""

"A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions which your wife asks for nothing."

"(from my 9 year old) What time is the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty (2:30)"

"Nothing shows the depressing reality of physical aging more than a boy band reunion."

"I'm a virgin by choice. Just not my choice."

"When is the only time a Muslim bets? When there is a prophet involved."

"""Jesus loves you."" A nice thing to hear in church. And a horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison."

"I started a fertilizer store but but got sued by Apple Inc. They patented selling overpriced shit for fruits."

"Missing a period is probably a Grammar Nazi's worst nightmare."

"I think at my age the next tattoo will be more responsible like a dragon across my back but doing his taxes."