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Joke of the Day

"So if you help Jack get on the horse... do you help Jack off the horse?"

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"Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected."
"Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed? He had a staff infection..."
"What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? Trying to fit in"
"Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Pupil: Dead? I didn't even know he was sick!"
"What do you tell a gardener with a psych major? I fucking hate my mom."
"My friend stole my Atlas and won't give it back. Seriously it's the world to me."
"Why don't people get married in North Korea? Well, all marriages are legal in North Korea, but no one has them because there's no rice to throw."
"Do you have porridge for breakfast? Kevin Bacon"
"What do you call a frozen Communist? A hammer and pop-sickle"