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Joke of the Day

"What do The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common? I see dead people."

"She had soft, black hair, and big, brown eyes. We went for a walk. I told her I loved her. Now she's gone. She took off after a squirrel."

"What building has the most stories to tell? The library."

"What do you call an aardvark astronaut? A starredvark!"

"Me: What's your dad do? Kid: My dad? He's an actor Me: Why? Couldn't you get a real dad?"

"I know a hooker downtown that charges by the inch. I can't afford her, but you probably could. *(one-liner from the old guy that delivers stock to my work.)*"

"I finally learned what La Quinta means in English Behind Denny's"

"What should my wife & I fight about tonight? Maybe start with something new then segue into a classic?"

"How is Chinese airport security like a Russian woman? They'll fuck anybody with an American passport. I say this from experience."

"What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy? A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one."