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Joke of the Day

"I know a hooker downtown that charges by the inch. I can't afford her, but you probably could. *(one-liner from the old guy that delivers stock to my work.)*"

"Old people at weddings poke me and say ""Your next"". So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

"Im getting tired of the book ""Life of Pi."" It never ends."

"Dude yelled ""Fight me like a man"" at me, so I held him down and marginalized him for a thousand years."

"It's all fun and games until you lose your wifi signal."

"How do you know when a white girl recently visited her friends grave? There's Starbucks next to the headstone."

"What do you call a calm Asian man? A Mellow Yellow"

"my wife's friend is so pissed i made fun of his lazy eye he's having a hard time even looking at me"

"Who pushed the neonate out an endometrium? Your mom."

"A man across the store just waved & said ""Well aren't YOU a cutie pie?"" Can't believe he was flirting with me in front of my baby like that."